Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Tokens of Affection

I was feeling like I was waiting on my husband hand and foot.  I was feeling frustrated and resentful.  I kept trying to get him to help more around the house.  He gets frustrated because of the pain he is experiencing.  In the time he has been off work I would estimate that he has lost 50% of his mobility.

I tried encouraging, harassing and badgering.  All to know avail.  The under lying emotion I felt was fear.  Fear for his health.  Fear for what will happen if he doesn't keep moving despite the pain.  It scares me that he seems to have given up.

Getting back to my irritation. I had a brainstorm I would show him how much I was waiting on him for things he could do himself.  I threatened to give him ten chips, when they were gone he was on his own.  He thought it was way to low. For a week or so I just threatened. Then I was talking to a friend about my idea. She thought I was brilliant!

So the next day I gave my beloved ten chips. We negotiated that he could get chips back for doing things like picking up his clothes and putting them in the laundry basket, etc. I figured I would collect them quickly, especially since I was home on vacation from school.

To his delight I have yet to collect all of his chips on any given day! The up swing is that he did more for himself. He is moving around more. His eyes twinkle when he says, "Maybe you haven't been waiting on me as much as you think."

My response- "You don't want to lose your chips, so you have been doing more for yourself."

Another friend and her husband have weighed in on the experiment. Ted told my husband he would go to the Dollar Store and buy him more chips skewing how many he really had. Carol marveled that Dan was a rare husband that would go along with such a scheme.

Using the chips and negotiating - really helped. It's amazing what a little competition can do. I think we were both correct. I was waiting on him more than he thought, but not as much as I thought. The chips I've been using truly have become tokens of affection.


  1. That's a great strategy!

    I had a laugh because in the beginning I thought you meant potato chips, and I was thinking that giving my husband only 10 potato chips would surely get him out of bed when he was ready for more...especially if he still had chip dip in his bowl. LOL

  2. Potato chips might work better.

  3. Chips - the edible kind - would definitely be incentive to my husband! I hope the affection you have for each other holds the fear at bay.

  4. Thank you for your support. It helps to have the thoughts and love expressed by so many people.


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