Friday, March 9, 2012

Bronze Fury Vignette- Screenplay


Riding With Ruth, the Car Stories Continue

The Bronze Fury Screenplay

Scene1: EXT - PARKING LOT

Action:  Looking at open car trunk lid.

RUTH

You can put half a house back here.

FRIEND
There’s room for  3 or 4 dead bodies in there, at least.

NARRATOR
The bronze Plymouth Fury is a very big “boat”.  The trunk has more room than the box of some pickups.  The ride is smooth and it flies low.  Pilot’s license optional.

Ruth’s mother stood 5’4”.  None of her girls got that tall. Ruth never got taller than 5’ 1”.  Most of her adult life she hovers around 5’ 1/4”.  Those quarter inches count when you are short!

The bronze Fury is massive.  Ruth has a hard time seeing over the steering wheel.  She takes bed pillows to sit on.  The Fury is a powerful machine made of US steel. It is made to withstand the ravages of life.

ACTION (Flashback) Driving near Boulder Montana.

Brand new light green Honda with Utah plates follows Fury on two lane paved road.  School bus approaches.  Stops, unloads passengers, Fury stops.   Honda doesn’t.  Honda slides under bumper of Fury.   Makes a little dimple below Fury’s back bumper.  The Honda - still drivable no longer pretty.  Broken right  headlights, front grill and right front panel splintered.

SCENE 2:  INT - USPFO PURCHASING AND CONTRACTING DEPARTMENT

OFFICE
Wooden steps with handrail leads up  to L shaped loft,  with three conjoined rooms.   Ruth’s desk in corner of loft, stage left - top of stairs.  Auditors share one room, boss’s office is side room.

ACTION -  Ruth working at desk .

ACTION  -  Auditor #1 starting up the stairs. Stops in mid step looks at Ruth with amazement.

AUDITOR # 1
(surprised) “You’re here!”

RUTH
Yes, its a work day.”

AUDITOR # 1
(emphatic) “No. I mean you’re here.

RUTH
(sarcastic) Where else would I be?

AUDITOR # 1
(elucidating) Well I saw your car drive through the gates with no one driving.  So I figured you weren’t here.

RUTH           
(deadpan) Well I am here.

AUDITOR # 1
(confusion) Then who WASN’T driving your car?  I mean you couldn’t see anyone behind the wheel.  So I assumed you were driving.  We never see you.

RUTH
My sister borrowed the car today.

AUDITOR # 1
(Skeptically)  - “You mean there are two of you?  And we can’t see either of you behind the wheel?”

BOTH
Laughter

Action:  Bronze Fury travels down the road - no visible driver.  

Scene fades to black.

27 comments:

  1. This is so fun- I can even imagine the laugh track!

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  2. Oh that is just funny! I can just imagine the pillows stacked so you can see through the opening at the wheel. Drivers doing double takes to see if there is a person behind the wheel. What a great story!

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  3. Oh, dear!  I'm reading this late at night/early morning and trying not to laugh so I don't wake my husband up.   "Then who wasn't driving your car?" Bronze Fury travels down the road - no visible driver."  My favorites.  Tooo funny!  Whoops, hope I didn't wake him up!

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  4. :)
    Love how the play format captures the deadpan dialogue. I could "see" the scene unfolding (even the car)
    Kevin

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  5. Very funny.I loved how you wrote your story. You brought back my own memories of my very proud father bringing home a green Plymouth Fury for my first car.  I opened the trunk to make sure there wasn't a small family inside.  I, like you am short.  I am 5 feet and I had to use pillows as well to touch the pedals.  I felt like I was driving a tank.

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  6. New technique , but same funny, engaging voice - I loved "hearing" this slice through this format.

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  7. Think I'm going to go with the *fist bump* on this one.

    *Fist Bump*

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  8. Bravo Ruth,
    I think dialogue writing is the hardest.  Great challenge!

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  9. Laugh! Nice job. Maybe I'll have to follow your lead and take a risk with some new writing styles. 

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  10. Storykeeper FerrisMarch 10, 2012 at 6:33 AM

    Thank you.  This writing community is so very encouraging.  You make taking risks ok.  I didn't know I was going to try this until I sat down to write.  

    I would encourage anyone who wants to experiment with different writing styles to try.  This piece was fairly short and straight forward.  It lent itself to this format.  It is the first time I have ever tried to write a screenplay or even a play for that matter.

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  11. Storykeeper FerrisMarch 10, 2012 at 6:35 AM

    The dialogue is very close to the actual conversation that happened.  So I have had an easier time working it in.

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  12. Storykeeper FerrisMarch 10, 2012 at 6:36 AM

    Katie -  From reading your comment I surmised that a fist bump was like a high five.  I looked it up and had it confirmed.  So thank you very much!

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  13. Storykeeper FerrisMarch 10, 2012 at 6:38 AM

    I worried about that.  It is good to know that it worked in this format.  

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  14. Storykeeper FerrisMarch 10, 2012 at 6:47 AM

    It thrills me to hear the "connections to self" that people have shared.  It becomes a genuine conversation.  

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  15. Storykeeper FerrisMarch 10, 2012 at 6:57 AM

    It was really fun to take the risk and try it.  It made me feel good when it worked.  I told my husband last night that it kind of amazes me that people I have never met are laughing at the same stories I've shared with friends and family.  I am learning that this writing community has become "extended" friends. Thank you.

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  16. Storykeeper FerrisMarch 10, 2012 at 6:58 AM

    First I want to ask did you wake him?  I am pleased that you enjoyed this story. I'm glad you laughed.

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  17. Storykeeper FerrisMarch 10, 2012 at 7:01 AM

    I am still short and my husband's new pickup is Toyota Tundra.  As part of the negotiation they agreed to put pedal extenders on the gas and brake pedal.  They are much better than pillows.

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  18. How great is this, a screenplay!  In the style of the movie greats, you've just created a scene that is vivid, humorous, and moves along (I had trouble trying to convey that).  It, like the others, is hilarious.  I remember those old cars.  Just think, we learned to parallel park with them!  I love all of it, Ruth but "It was made to withstand the ravages of life" says much!

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  19. Love it! Great experiment with a new style. This slice reminded me of a story of a babysitter my brother and I had when we were little--you couldn't see her driving the car either and when someone rear ended her one day her wig flew off. The man rushed to the car thinking he'd decapitated her. Maybe I can write that story this week : ) Thank you for the inspiration!
    ~Lee Ann

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  20. Thank you for taking a risk and trying a screenplay. It inspires me to do the same and that inspiration and that has a ripple effect for classrooms of kids.

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  21. Ruth, I, too, stand at about 5 feet tall, and I totally identify with the teasing about the car driving itself. I thought your risk-taking really paid off on this one. I could 'see' the footage as I read. Fun!

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  22. Great imagery of the large trunk and the car driving itself. Love the new form--way to try something different!

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  23. You're so creative! I love this idea! 

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  24. You sound like my sister-in-law!  When she joined the Air Force, she was one of the smallest recruits they ever had.  They had to special order her children's boots because her feet are so little!  She got to wear her Nikes for most of basic training!

    Keep drivin', Ruth.

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  25. I love your choice of genre for this slice!  It works so well.  I can't really imagine life from your angle (I'm closer to 6' tall over here ... though not as close as I'd like!).  Your Bronze Fury sounds fabulous!

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  26. Mary Helen GenschMarch 12, 2012 at 5:07 PM

    Very creative format! I love your ending.

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  27. Love it!  Very creative!  I could see the Bronze Fury with no one behind the wheel...great image!

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